Chaos at Hogwarts
by MCpooky
Summary: Jason and Marcus get accepted to Hogwats. Follow them as they adventure through the Harry Potter series and make friends and enemies.
1. All About the Letter

Chaos at Hogwarts.

**A/N: Yes, I know the FoxTrot comic does not take place in Great Britain, but for this story it does.**

Chapter 1: All about the letter

There were two balloons tied to the Fox family's mailbox. One read Happy and the other one read B-day. Inside the house, Jason and Marcus were standing in front of a big, chocolate cake. There was a 11 candles with the letters "Happy B-day Jason + Marcus". Once Jason and Marcus blew out the candles, the doorbell rang. Andy opened the door. A women came in dressed in emerald green. "Hello, I'm Professor Magonagall."

______________________________________________________________________

"You got excepted to where!!!???" yelled Andy and Roger.

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." said Professor Magonagall.

"Wicked!" said Jason and Marcus.

"But how?" said Paige."And why aren't we?"

"Turns out, Jason and Marcus have the same great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great... well, a lot of greats grandfather named Quinn Sullavan. I guess Peter and Paige never got the magical genes."

"That's not fair! Mom, make it fair!" whined Peter.

"Peter, you're acting stupid. So, Jason and Marcus are... magical?" asked Andy.

"That's right. And they're being sent to the best school with the best head master, Dumbledor." said Magonagall.

Jason and Marcus looked at each other weirdly.

"What? do you think his name is weird?"

"No it's not that, it's..."

"Excellent! Here are your list of supplies, and things you will need for Hogwarts."

Magongall left in puff of gray smoke.

The next day, Jason, Marcus, and all the Fox went to Diagon ally to get their magical school supplies.

"Get to london take a left, take a right, take a left, up the stairs, make a illegal U turn half way, go straight, mmmm... aha! Here we are!" Marcus pointed at a small black building. The sign above it said The Leaky Cauldron.

Inside, Jason and Marcus went inside a storage cupboard.

"Let's see... tap here, here, and here." Jason tapped all the right bricks. Nothing happened. "Oh, wait. They added a part to it." Jason started tapping again. Tip, tap, tippity tap, tap, tip, tap, tappaty tip tap, tap. It sounded like a drum solo. The bricks started to move.

"Coolio" Jason and Marcus said at the same time.

Through the archway was a big street lined with stores that were practically connected. Jason and Marcus had a hard time getting past the wave of wizards outside one store. Something was attracting all these people to one area around a large building called Gingots.

"Well, we might as well go inside. We need to get our wizard money anyway" said Marcus.

They slowly made their way into the bank. As soon as they entered, Jason and Marcus' mouthes dropped wide open. The place was filled with goblins.

"Whoa, real goblins! Being a wizard is really starting to pay off!" said Jason. "Lets see if we can find the friendliest one. They would have non-pointed ears, nose, and chin. He would also be laughing." They scanned the room. Behind them they heard a "Ha ha ha!"

"I think we found the right guy." Jason and Marcus walked up to the goblin. "Excuse us, we need to create a withdraw room."

"Why certainly. Do you have your key?"

"Ummm, I think it's in the envelope" Marcus dug around in the envelope. In fact, He stuck his whole arm in there.

"Geez, That's one big envelope."

"Uh, I think this is it" Marcus pulled out a very tiny golden key engraved with the letters QS.

"Ah, you two must be the decedents of Quinn Sullavan. He was a great wizard" said the goblin. He took the key and started off toward a railcar.

"Hop in" He told Jason and Marcus. Marcus was a little reluctant to go, but seeing as Jason hopped right in he pulled Marcus in with him. As soon as all the passengers were in, the railcar headed off. After a series of twists and turns they came to an abrupt halt.

"Here we are, vault 3."

"Wow, how are we so far up?" asked Jason.

"Well, this is your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandfather we're talking about. He lived a long time ago and was held in a very high esteem."

"O....K...." Jason and Marcus said in unison.

The goblin slid the small key into the lock. *click* *CHUNCK CHUNCK WHIR WHIR WHIR TICK TICK TICK BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!* The door slammed open.

"They haven't remolded the earlier made doors yet." But Jason and Marcus didn't hear any of this. They were staring, opened mouthed, at the giant mound of gold, silver, and bronze.

"It turns out, all of the direct decedents of your great, great, great, etc, grandfather were all muggles, so, you have 440 generations of money built up in this vault. These are galleons, sickles, and knuts." said the goblin pointing to each different kind of coin. "Put them in this sack and you're ready to go!" again, Jason and Marcus didn't hear any of this. They piled almost all of the coins into the rapidly swelling bag. When they came out the door closed behind them. But instead of going back into the railcar, they walked down the edge of the vaults until they got to a simulated Diagon ally.

"What's this?" asked Jason.

"These are direct portals to the next store you want to go to."

"Wicked." Jason and Marcus stepped into the Ollivander wand shop. There was a flash of blue and they landed with a thump on a dusty wooden floor.


	2. Newbies in Diagon ally

Chapter 2: Newbies in Diagon Ally

Jason and Marcus picked themselves up from the floor. They didn't hear a man slide over on a ladder.

"Hello there" said the man. Jason and Marcus jumped a foot into the air.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. That happens a lot to my customers. I'm Mr. Ollivander and I take it you're buying your first wands."

"Uh, yeah."

"What is your magical gene?"

"We're direct decedents of Quinn Sullivan."

"You are his first decedents that are magical, am I correct?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It might take a while to pick out the right wands." Mr. Ollivander went to the multiple shelves in front of them. Some time past and Jason and Marcus tried to keep track of how many wands they went through. It was quite hard because they kept hearing distracting noises like: CRASH! BANG! RRIIPP!! Jason lost track after 26 and Marcus lost track after 49.

Finally, after a couple of hours, Marcus got his wand.

"8 inches, mahogany and unicorn hair. They go nice together" said Mr. Ollivander.

"I'll be right back Jason, I'm going to buy us a couple of owls" Marcus sliped his wand into his pocket and went out the door and raced up the street.

"You're a tricky one aren't you Mr. Fox. Don't worry, we'll find you a wand soon enough" About 34 tries later, Jason finally found a wand.

"10 inches, oak and dragon heartstring. A vary interesting combination" At that moment, Marcus came into the store with a cage with two Pigmy owls.

"Their names are JM and MJ. JM's yours."

Taking their new wands and owls the set off to get their school robes at Madam Malkin's robe shop. When they entered, the shop was practically empty except for a towhead boy waiting to get fitted.

"Hogwarts dears?" asked Madam Malkin.

"Yeah" said Jason and Marcus in unison.

"You can come back with this boy" She gestured toward the other boy. "It'll be just a second" she vanished into the back room.

"Hogwarts too?" asked the boy.

"Yup."

"Yep."

"My name is Malfoy. Draco Malfoy."

"Well I'm Bond. James Bond" said Jason

"Who's James Bond?" asked Malfoy.

"You've got to be kidding me. You don't know who James Bond is? You've must of had a vary sad childhood so far" said Marcus.

"Then I take it you two are muggle born. Well I'm a pureblood" Malfoy knew that he had to explain more from the expression on Jason and Marcus' faces. "It means that my family is all wizards and your isn't."

"Ah, ohhhhhh..." Jason and Marcus said sarcastically (and rolling their eyes).

"You three can come on back now" said Madam Malkin.

Jason, Marcus and Malfoy got onto the footstools in the back room. Madam Malkin snapped her fingers and three tape measures zoomed from a desk and started measuring them. Jason and Marcus were a bit startled, but Malfoy looked like he did this every day.

"Ah, you two are just the perfect average size. I have a couple per-made" She handed Jason and Marcus two robes. "10 galleons each" Jason and Marcus handed her 20 galleons and walked out of the store with their robes.

"Lets see, we need to get books next" said Jason and they walked into a store called Florish and Blotts. They walked in and found it a little packed. All they could see over the wave of heads was a very big man with a long beard yelling something like 'Leave Im' alone! He's only tryn' ter buy books!'. Jason and Marcus silently agreed that they were all nuts and went to go look for books in the loft above. After watching the oversized man leave, Jason and Marcus went to go buy their books. They needed a standard book of spells, a history book, magical theory book, a transfiguration book, plant book, potions book, wild animals book, and a defense against the dark arts book. After that they went to go buy the rest of the equipment and they were done.

"Man, I can't wait to see what kind of kooks go to this school. If their anything like that boy, this will be tough."


	3. Platform 9 and 3 quarters?

**A/N: I changed the rating of this story from K+ to T because, because... uhhh... I don't really know why, I thought it would be... fun?**

Chapter 3: Platform 9 and 3/4?!?

Jason and Marcus were pushing their carts through King's Cross franticly trying to find platform 9 and 3/4.

"Jeez, where could it be?" said Jason "We've looked everywhere! It's fifteen minutes until 10:00."

_10 minutes later..._

"GGGAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Jason. "We're going to miss the train! Wait, make that I'm going to miss the train. Where did Marcus go?"

"Right here" Marcus stuck his head out of a wall that was between platforms 9 and 10.

"How did you do that?"

"You run at the wall and you come to the platform. You better close your eyes. That's what the book said."

"What book?"

"Just come on! The trains going to leave in 2 minutes."

Jason looked strait at the wall, took a deep breath, and started running. When he was a inch from the wall Jason closed his eyes. He waited for the crash but it never came. Slowly, he opened one eye then the other. Jason was staring at a scarlet steam engine.

"See?" what did I tell you." said Marcus

"How did you know?" asked Jason

Marcus put a book in Jason's hands. "I picked this up at Florish and Blotts."

Jason read the title. "Things that first years need to know".

"It was in the OPWV1-10AI. Only People With Vaults 1-10 Allowed In." said Marcus

"So, technically and VIP part of the book store."

"Yep."

"Cool"

"We'd better get on the train. It's about to leave."

Jason and Marcus dragged their trunks and birds into the train and searched for a empty cabin.

"Full, full, half full, full, one person (little did Jason and Marcus know, that person was Harry Potter) one seat left, empty!" Jason and Marcus pulled open the door and sat down.

TWEEEEEEET! Chaga chaga chaga chaga. The train started moving. After a couple of hours, Jason and Marcus were sitting on the seats in the most weirdest ways possible.

"I'm so BORED." complained Marcus.

"Aaaaanything from the trolly? Aaaaanything from the trolly?" Jason and Marcus heard a muffled voice from out side the door.

They opened the door and a lady came up and asked,"Anything from the trolly dears?"

Marcus stepped up to the cart and looked at all the strange candy. He didn't know what to get so he said stuff at random.

"Um, I would like 2 Bertie Bott's every flavor beans, 8 Droobles Best Blowing Gum, 10 Chocolate Frogs, 16 Pumpkin Pastries, 16 Cauldron Cakes, and 20 Licorice Wands."

"That will be eleven sickles and seven knuts."

Marcus felt around in his pockets," Jason, money me."

Jason threw Marcus a small bag of money. He paid the women, and brought all the candy into the compartment. They formed two piles, one for Jason, and one for Marcus. They sat on one seat and piled all the candy onto the other seat. Jason opened the Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans, and popped one into his mouth. Jason puckered up and his face turned green. Quickly, he opened the window and barfed all over the side of the train. They could hear,"Ewwwww," and,"Holy crap, did we drive by a skunk?" from the compartments after them.

"Heh, heh, suckers" said Marcus while Jason sat back down. "What made you barf?"

"A vomit flavored jelly bean." Jason read the box "Huh, typical. 'Vomit flavored jelly beans may cause vomiting, but bean flavored jelly beans won't cause a bean stalk to grow in your stomach.'"

A little while later a girl came into the cabin and asked "Has anyone seen a toad?"

"No." They said in unison. The girl looked depressed and walked away. A boy walked in and asked "have you seen a toad?"

"No!" Jason and Marcus said more irritated. The girl came back. "Are you sure-"

"NO!" Jason got up and slammed the door shut.

"God, piss off."

"Hey, that's Hogwarts! I can see it! We'd better get our robes on."

Jason and Marcus got their robes on and the train stopped. "We must be here." They grabbed their trunks and got off the train.

"Firs years this way! Firs years!" yelled a giant.

"Hey, Jason" said Marcus "That's the guy we saw at Florish and Blotts."

"Yeah, your right! I wonder what a oaf like him is doing at Hogwarts."

He lead the to a row of boats. When Jason, Marcus and a couple of other kids got in, it started moving. Marcus almost fell out.

"God damn, whadda you laughing at?!" Marcus yelled at Jason who was rolling on the floor of the boat.

They got closer and closer to Hogwarts. They came up to a pier and the boats came to a halt. "Ever body out! Come on!" said the oaf. (That's what Jason and Marcus were referring to him as.)

All the first years followed him to the front of the school.

"God, this place is big." said Jason.

They walked into the castle and they went up the stairs to professor Magonagll.

"Through these doors, is the great hall. That is where you will be sorted into houses. There are Griffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin." she said. Jason jabbed Marcus in the ribs and pointed at Malfoy who was staring at another boy in awe. Marcus shrugged his shoulders. "Wait here a minute." Professor Magonagll said. As soon as she left, Malfoy went over to the boy.

"So, the famous Harry Potter came to Hogwarts." Malfoy said.

Jason leaned over to the boy on their left. "Hey, dude, who's Harry Potter?" asked Jason.

"You must be muggle born. He's a very famous wizard. He's the only one who's survived the killing curse."

"Jesus, the killing curse, that must be serious."

"Yes, quite."

Jason looked at Malfoy talking to Harry. "Suck up." said Jason and Marcus. Professor Magonagll came back into the hall. "We're ready for you now."

They walked through the great hall doors and walked up the center aisle to a stool and hat that were in the back of the hall.

"Gather around here everyone. Now, I will put the sorting hat on your head and it will tell you what house you will be in. Abbott, Hannah!" a girl went up to the stool and the hat was placed on her head. "HUFFLEPUFF!" the hat shouted. A few more names were shouted until Jason heard "Fox, Jason!"

"Damnit. If this fickin' hat doesn't put me in a good house, I'm going to be so pissed at it."

Jason walked up to the stool and sat down. The hat was placed on his head and it covered his eyes. It didn't say immediately what house was going to be in. Jason stared to panic. Sweat dribbled down the side of his face. Then he started to get angry. "Hurry up and decide you son of a-"

"GRIFFINDOR!" The hat was taken of his head and staggered over to the griffindor table.

A few more kids later it was Marcus's turn. "Jones, Marcus!" Marcus looked like he was going to be sick. As soon as the hat was placed on his head, the hat shouted "GRIFFINDOR!"

Jason jumped off the bench and nearly tipped it over. "YES!!!" he screamed. Marcus came to sit by him. A little bit later professor Magonagll called out "Potter, Harry". There was a lot of murmuring and whispering. After a while the hat cried out "GRIFFINDOR!" That was the loudest cheer that night. All the griffindors were cheering. Except Jason and Marcus.

"Suck up." said Marcus.

"We got Harry! We got Harry!" Jason heard from the other end of the table.

"Well guess what? So does the whole damn world." said Jason under his breath. "I'm tellin' ya, now he seems great, but when you need help from "the chosen one" he won't be anywhere."

Jason and Marcus's spirits were lifted when the plates in front of them became loaded with food.

"MMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!" said Jason. "I hope this is what the food is like every day! It'll be an improvement to the food my mom makes!"


	4. Making Enemies

Chapter 4: Making Enemies

After a gigantic feast, the first years were lead to the griffindor common room by the prefect Percy. He lead to a big staircase. But the staircases were_ moving_.

"This is the Grand Staircase. This is the main way to get to all the floors in the castle. Be carful, they like to change directions. said Percy. "Come on."

The trail of first years lead by Percy, finally came up to a painting of a fat lady. Which was what she was called.

"Password." she said when Percy stopped in front of her.

"Cabbage Draconus." said Percy. The picture swung open and they all went inside. Behind the portrait, there was a cozy living room.

"This is the Griffindor common room. The boys dormitory is up the stairs and down to your left, the girls, the same on your right. Your belongings are already in the rooms." said Percy. He stepped aside so the first years could rush up the stairs to claim a bed. Jason and Marcus walked slowly up the steps. By the time they reached one of the two boys dorms, a sign popped up on the door that said 'full.' Jason and Marcus went to the other dorm. There was a sign that said 'empty'. They went inside and waited fifteen minutes and nobody came in.

"I guess we have this place to ourselves." said Jason.

Later that night, Jason and Marcus were up late reading up on beginners spells and potions.

"Hey, here's a stunning spell, _stupify._" said Jason

"Lets try it. You go over there, and I'll _stupify _you." said Marcus. "ready, 1, 2, 3, _STUPIFY!"_ Jason went flying across the room and landed with a thud on the floor.

"MY TURN!" yelled Marcus. So for the rest of the night, they were aiming the _stupify _ cruse at each other. As a result, they were ssooo not prepared for potions the next morning.

* * *

In potions, the class was busy talking while they waited for the teacher to arrive. Then everybody jumped a mile into the air when they heard the door slam. A greasy-haired, pale skinned man walked quickly into the room.

"This is potions class. I am professor Snape and you will address my as such."

"Sure thing Such.*" said Jason.

"Do you want detention on your first day of class Mr. ..." Snape looked at the role call sheet. "... Fox?"

"I would mind it, yes." said Jason.

"ANSWER THE QUESTION MR. FOX!" yelled Snape right in his face. His breath smelled horrible.

"That's what I did. I answered it. Just not in a complete sentence."

"Detention! 10 points from Griffindor. Mr. Fox. My office, one week" The words meant nothing to Jason. He got 6 week detentions 2 dozen times in muggle school. "I assume you are a muggle born then, Mr. Fox?"

"Assuming makes an ass out of u and me**." Jason rather mockingly.

"Mmmm, I'll take that as a yes. As some of you know, there are three kinds of wizards in the wizarding world. There are pure-bloods." Jason looked around the room, and of corse, he saw Malfoy and his goons smirking. "Half-bloods, and muggle-borns." said professor Snape. "For those who didn't know, now you do. And that will help you out in the future."

"Piss off." said Jason under his breath.

A bit later, they were working on a sheet of parchment that showed how much knowledge of potions you had. A boy sitting next to Jason was a small, balck-haired boy who was rather big. Jason leaned over to him.

"Hey, dude, are you a pure-blood?" asked Jason.

"Uh, yeah."

"Then you can help me out. What is number 7?"

"Uh, ah, I, uh, I DON'T KNOW!!" This boy was having a complete mental break-down.

"DETENTION! ANother 10 points to Griffindor. Mr. Longbottom. You can come in with Mr. Fox." said Snape. The boy sat down on his chair red-faced.

"Sorry about that." said Jason.

"No, don't be. I'm just a clutz." said the boy.

After potions, they went to transfiguration. They were learning how to turn a needle into a feather.

"Okay, ready? 1, 2, 3, _fereverto_." said professor Magonogll and the needle turned onto a feather. "I would like a volunteer, how about you, Mr. Fox? 1, 2, 3, _fereverto_."

Jason tapped his wand three times on the needle. "_Fereverto_!" The needle turned into a perfect feather. Professor Magonogll tested the feather to make sure he had done it right.

"It is perfect. Well done Mr. Fox. You will move up to turning a kitten into a glove. 20 points to Griffindor."

A boy from the row behind them with an Irish accent leaned forward and whispered to Jason. "Oy, that's really advanced stuff mate. Are you pure-blood?"

"Nope. Muggle-born"

After being successful at the next three levels of transfiguration, Jason went to professor Snape's office. Jason ran down the Hallway while stuffing a sandwich into his mouth.

He got there just in time. He checked his watch. He was 2 minuets early. Jason saw the boy who had the mental breakdown was there too.

"Sit down Mr. Fox. You will both be doing lines for me this week. You will write: I will not set a scene in class."

So for the next hour or so, they were writing lines. Snape checked the clock in his office. "I would keep you in here for another hour, but, that would take 50 points of my house. Go, get to your other class so I don't get in trouble."

The other boy, in a panic to get out of Snape's office, rushed out the door with his things. Jason on the other hand, as sloly as possible.

"If you don't, I'll take 20 points from Griffindor."

Jason was out a.s.a.p.

**A/N: I know I mentioned Jason a lot in this story. For those of you that are Marcus fans, I'll get to him more in the next chapter. They haven't been to herbology yet. (hint hint). ; )**

* This is a rip-off of a Simpsons episode.

** It's a way to remember how to spell assume.


	5. Making Friends

**A/N: The herbology lesson in this chapter is made up because it doesn't have herbology in the first HP book. Enjoy!**

Chapter 5: Making Friends

Jason and the other boy ran down the hallway to herbology.

"Hey, where are you headed?" asked Jason

"Herbology" said the boy

"What's your name? We seem to have lots of classes together. Not to mention detention."

"Nevil Longbottom."

"Really? You don't have a long bottom. Just kidding. I'm Jason Fox. Come on, let's get to Herbology before we get more detention." They turned the corner and snuck into the greenhouse just as the last of the students were filing in.

"Today we will be pulling off seed pods and collecting the seeds form the _sparkafus _plant. Does anybody know why we would do that?" asked professor Sprout. A girl with long, bushy, brown hair and big front teeth answered.

"So it can be used in various potions."

"Very good Miss Granger! 10 points to griffindor. Yes, we are gathering them for the fifth year's potions class." professor Sprout demonstrated how to get the seeds from the pods and the pods from the plant to prune it. All the first years started to prune and gather the seeds. Some of the kids were good at getting the seeds and others pretty much ruined the plants. Marcus was really good though. He did all four of the plants on his table and so did Nevil.

"Well done Mr. Jones and Mr. Longbottom. Another 10 points to griffindor. Time is up everybody! Put your seed pots up here and we will continue next lesson." professor Sprout dismissed everybody and Jason rushed out of the greenhouse

"Yeesh, that was hard." said Jason.

"Really? Me and Marcus did it really well." said Nevile.

"MM hm," Jason was not even listening. He looked to see what they had next. "Cool! We have flying lessons next!"

"Wait," Something just dawned on Jason. "Flying lessons? What's that supposed to mean?"

"You fly. On brooms." said Nevile with a smile.

"Really? Cool!" said Jason and Marcus said in unison.

They walked onto a large field. About 25-30 brooms were lined up in two lines. Every one walked up behind one. A few minutes later, the class started.

"Welcome to broom flying, year 1. Okay, every one, get beside a broom." said Madam Hooch.

"Who is that boy over there?" said Jason. He pointed to a boy with jet black hair, who was talking to a red headed boy standing next to him.

"That's... holy crap! That's Harry Potter!" said Nevile in a whisper.

"Hey Jason, we've seen him before. On the train, and in the hall before we were sorted. I think he's in the same house as us!" said Marcus, also in a whisper.

"I think we should get some more dirt on him. You know, follow him around. We have every class with him."

"Seriously? Like a stalker?" said Marcus, who was very surprised.

"Yeah, it'll be fun."

"WHAT are you three boys doing?" Madam Hooch appeared in front of them. She looked very annoyed. The boys turned beet red.

The boys walked up to their brooms. Luckily for them, no one had started yet. Apparently, they were all listening to Madam Hooch yell at them. Every one started. Jason, Marcus, and Nevile followed their lead.

"UP!" yelled Marcus. The broom came zooming up to his hand. So did Harry's broom. Marcus made a mental note of that.

"Now then, on my whistle, you will- MR. LONGBOTTOM put that broom down this minute!" yelled Madam Hooch. Nevil was hovering about 6 feet of the ground. Then he went soaring upward and did a couple of barrel rolls, then flew past a torch holder on the top of the roof. He fell off of that onto a pitch fork looking thing sticking out from the side of the building. Finally he fell to the ground. Madam Hooch rushed over to him.

"Oh, ooh, ooh, ah, it looks like a broken wrist. Nobody get on your broom while I take Mr. Longbottom here to the hospital wing." said Madam Hooch. Jason spotted somthing on the ground.

"The _rememberall._" said Jason. Nevil had gotten it earlier that morning. Jason quickly took a clear plastic ball from his pocket and switched the gold ring on the _rememberall_ and put it on the plastic one and set back on the ground and walked away just in time for Malfoy to come over to pick up.

"Maybe if the fat lump gave this a squeez, he would have remembered to fall on his fat ass." said Malfoy. Harry came over and demanded that Malfoy give it to him. Malfoy did some fancy tricks with his broom and was up in the air. And so was Harry. Marcus was about to get on his broom when Jason stopped him and held out the real _rememberall_.

"So they're fighting over a fake one? Ha!" After a while Harry finally got the _rememberall_ and landed. Then professor Magonogall came out and called Harry over. Harry put the _rememberall_ into his bag. Jason walked over casually and took the fake _rememberall._

Later that night, Jason and Marcus went to go visit Nevile the hospital wing. Eventually, they convinced Madam Pomfery they would only take 5 minutes and gave Nevile his _rememberall_.

After that they went to put spiders in the girls bathroom.

"_Lumos_!" said Jason.

"How did you know that spell?" asked Marcus.

"Professor Magonagll showed me it. Pretty cool huh?" They entered the girls bathroom and started to release the spiders. Then Jason tripped over a bag that the contents was strewn over the floor.

"God damnit. Ouch, that hurt. Who's there?" asked Jason. There was no response. Jason backed up slowly and bumped into someone. Or some_thing_. Jason turned around in a panic and fired.

"STUPIFY!" he yelled. Two black blobs flew through the air and landed on the ground. Two red heads groaned and sat up.

"That's a good spell you got there mate. We're Fred and George Weasly. No doubt you have met our younger brother Ron."

"Oh, yeah, he was the kid who was worrying about fighting troll the first day." said Marcus.

"Yeah, I told him that. We like to torment him a lot." said Fred. "So, what brings you to the girls bathroom? We were blowing up a toilet for our sister Ginny"

"How...sweet. We were releasing spiders." said Jason.

"Pleasure to met other pranksters." said George. After finishing their pranks, Jason. Marcus, Fred and George headed back to the griffindor common room.

It was a very eventful day.


	6. Stalking Lessons 101

Chapter 6: Stalker lessons 101

"Ahhh, Halloween. I can't wait to see what kind of junk they'll have for desert tonight." said Jason. They were taking after Peter and fasting for the gigantic amounts of sugar they were going to consume. So far, they have eaten a carrot stick each and a waffle that week. They lost 3 pounds in preparation to gain 8.

"Oooohhhh.... need... something... to... eat..." said Marcus wearily as he slumped in the chair he was in.

"Here." Jason tossed Marcus a vitamin. It was the only thing they could eat without cheating. (according to Peter's rules.)

The bell for dinner rang.

"Ahhh, dinner. Finally, I thought it would never come!" Jason and Marcus ran out of the common room and literally jumped down each flight of stairs to get to dinner. Dinner was soon over and Jason and Marcus only ate a chicken leg each.

Then it was dessert.

Jason and Marcus went all out and dug into the lollypops, licorice wands, chocolate frogs, pumpkin pastries, cauldron cakes, and much more.

After eating 20 Chocolate Frogs, 16 Pumpkin Pastries, 30 Cauldron Cakes along with some cupcakes, jello, and other muggle foods, Jason and Marcus were finally full and gathered as much extras in they're pockets, book bags, robe sleeves, and other really weird places.

When they got back to the common room, they pooled their sweets together.

"I don't think we want to have the ice cream I got." said Marcus. He held out two puddles of oreo ice cream.

"I hope the house elves have good stain removers." said Jason, looking at how much the ice cream seeped into the robe.

All of a sudden, a random kid ran into the common room. He was panting madly.

"There is... there is, there is, there is... there is..." the kid was trying to say something, but they didn't know what it was.

"There is..." Jason moved his hands to signal the kid should keep going.

"A TROLL IN THE CASTLE!" the kid passed out on the floor.

Jason and Marcus looked at each other and smiled. "Wicked!"

They hurried out of the common room and ran throughout the castle and didn't find the troll.

"Damn it, did that kid trick us? That little-" Jason started but stopped when he saw a giant green monster walk right in front of him and go into the girls bathroom.

"Wicked! Let's roll." Jason and Marcus headed to the bathroom. Then they heard a scream. Marcus, who was actually thinking, said "Jason, we might be caught being out in the halls this late."

"Damn it. Hmmm, Oh! I know! Fred and George stole a 7th year's defense against the dark arts book and told me a cool spell. What was it? Right! He taps both him and Marcus on the head.

"Ooo, I just felt a weird feeling go through me." Marcus looked at his feet. "GAH, WHERE ARE MY FEET!" he screamed.

"Don't worry, It's just a disillusionment charm! We take the color and texture of everything around us. We have to be really still in order not to be caught." said Jason. They walked into the bathroom and guess who was there? Mr. Goody-two-shoes-steal-the-whole-damn-spotlight Potter. And it looked like he was about to same some person's life. Jason and Marcus watched as Harry failed to get rid of the troll. When he tried to lift the club with a spell, Harry failed. Miserably.

"I think we should help him." said Jason with a smirk. The next time Harry tried to lift the club, Jason lifted it for him. "_Winggardium leviousa!" _The club flew up in the air and hovered over the troll's head.

"Should I whack Harry after I'm done?" asked Jason.

"Mmm, no, but spray water on him!"

"Very well." Jason let the club fall on hit the troll on the head. Then caused a pipe to burst and a ton a water at the force of a fire house right at Harry.

"Ha ha ha! Oop, son of a- here comes Snape! Let's blow this joint!" Yelled Jason to Marcus over the sound of running water. They ran out of there just in time for at least a dozen teachers to come rushing in.

* * *

Back in the dormitory with all of their visibility back, chowing down on pumpkin pastries when Fred and George walked in.

"Did you hear?" Fred asked.

"That the famous Harry Potter saved a life? We were there." said Jason without looking up from his cake.

"Really? You were there? Even when he lifted the club and hit the troll?" asked George

"I did that. He was pathetic at trying to lift that thing with a spell." said Jason finishing his cake.

"Did Harry get detention?" they both asked

"I dunno. We ran out of there before Snape could catch us." said Marcus.

"Good move." said Fred

Then, some random person came up and said, "Harry and Ron got Griffindor 100 points!"

"I want to say 'no' and 'yes' at the same time." said Jason.

**A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short. The plot sprouted legs and ran off.**


	7. Early Christmas Present

Chapter 7: Early Christmas Present

Jason and Marcus finished studying early and were walking up and down a hallway on the 7th floor.

"Wow, I can't believe the castle is this big! It looks a lot smaller from the outside." said Marcus.

"I miss home. I wonder what they're doing right now? Peter's probably playing his guitar and Page is probably at the mall, mom's probably making a gross, healthy dinner, and dad is watching football. And we would probably be working on our clubhouse. I hope mom remembered to put that tarp on it." said Jason

"She probably didn't."

"We were going to make it 50 stories high..."

"With an elevator to get to the top..."

"And a pool and a jacuzzi on the covered porch..."

"With a 160" plasma HD/LCD TV in the party room..."

"The whole thing was a party room with a buffet..."

"And a sushi bar..."

"With several soda fountains..."

"And an ice cream parlor..."

"With bean bags and fuzzy egg chairs for a sitting area in front of the TV..."

"Wall-to-wall shag carpeting..."

"Our geeky trophy room..."

"Hey, haven't we walked past this place a few times?" asked Marcus

"Yeah, your right. Was that room there before?"

"I don't know. Let's check it out." They walked inside and Jason and Marcus walked onto a driveway.

"Hey! This is my house!" Jason ran over to the window and saw Peter practicing guitar and Roger was in front of the TV and Andy was in the kitchen. Paige was no where to be seen so she was probably at the mall.

"Maybe this is a teleporter." said Marcus

"No, I don't think so." said Jason as he pointed up. There was a 50 story high clubhouse with an elevator leading up to it.

"Wicked!" said Jason and Marcus and they hopped into the elevator and zoomed up. When they got to the top it was like they imagined it. Shag carpet, bean bags and egg chairs, 160" plasma HD/LCD TV, pool and jacuzzi, buffet, it had everything in it.

"Wow, what is this place!" asked Marcus. A pamphlet appeared on the coffee table. It said 'You have entered the Room of Requirements.' Marcus kept reading. 'This is a place where you can have fun or study.' "Phhf, study." said Jason. The words changed on the pamphlet. 'In fact, this is a very popular place to study. You can have the virtual learner and you put on the helmet to learn history, practice charms, or duel. Of course, if you want a duel or something to be painless, the Room can make it painless.'

"So we can race dragons in the Mos Espa podrace track?" asked Jason

"Yeah."

"WICKED! Now, we need an ihome in here." said Jason and an ihome popped up on the table. Jason clicked it on.

Run and tell all of the angels

This could take all night

Think I need a devil to help me get things right

Hook me up a new revolution

Cause this one is a lie

We sat around laughing and watched the last one die

And I'm looking to the sky to save me

Looking for a sign of life

Looking for something to help me burn out bright

I'm looking for a complication

Looking cause I'm tired of lying

Make my way back home when I learn to fly

I think I'm done nursing patience

It couldn't wait one night

I'd give it all away if you give me one last try

We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life

Run and tell the angels that everything is alright...

I'm looking to the sky to save me

Looking for a sign of life

Looking for something to help me burn out bright

I'm looking for a complication

Looking cause I'm tired of trying

Make my way back home when I learn to fly

Make my way back home when I learn to

Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone

Try to make this life my own

Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone

Try to make this life my own

I'm looking to the sky to save me

Looking for a sign of life (sign of life)

Looking for something to help me burn out bright

I'm looking for a complication

Looking cause I'm tired of trying (tired of trying)

Make my way back home when I learn to

And I'm looking to the sky to save me

Looking for a sign of life (sign of life)

Looking for something to help me burn out bright

I'm looking for a complication

Looking cause I'm tired of trying

Make my way back home when I learn to fly

Make my way back home when I learn to fly

Make my way back home when I learn to (Learn to, learn to, learn, to learn to)

Jason looked at his watch. "We still got time. What do you want to do?"

"Let's go tell Fred and George!"

"Yeah!"

**A/N: Another short chapter. Now the plot is distracted by a shiny thing.**


	8. Presents Presents PRESENTS!

**A/N: This is a Christmas chapter. It has Deck the Halls w/ created lyrics. Enjoy! XD**

Chapter 8: Presents, Presents, PRESENTS!!!

"PRESENTS!" Jason and Marcus ran down to the common screaming and practically woke everyone up.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS!" now everyone was screaming and running down to the common room.

Marcus, Fred, and George plopped themselves on the couch. Jason came over with arm full of presents.

"Let's see... Marcus, Fred, George, me, me, Fred, George, Marcus, Fred, Fred, Marcus, George, me, me, Marcus, George." Jason handed out the presents. "I'll go see if there's any more." he ran off.

"Be prepared to get one of our mom's sweaters. She makes one for all of us and our friends." said Fred

"I think I found it." said Marcus as he held up a sweater that was a bright yellow clashed with a bright blue.

"That would be it." said George

"I got more!" Jason came back with another armload of presents. "Let's see, George, Marcus, me, Fred, George, George, me, Fred, Marcus, Marcus, Fred, me. I think that's it." Jason sat down on the couch next to Marcus and they ripped opened presents. They found one that had all four of their names on it.

They ripped open tons of presents.

"Wicked, I got a ultra mega water shooter from mom and dad!" said Jason.

Marcus started to sing a song:

_Deck the tree with cheesy ordements_

_fa la la la la, la la la la_

_Tis the season to be shopping_

_fa la la la la, la la la la_

_Don we now our grandma's sweaters!_

_fa la la, la la la, la la la la_

"That's all I can remember of the song." said Marcus

"OOOooo, hey here's a big present!" said Jason

"Wow this one's heavy." said Marcus

"I think it has two presents in it." said Fred

"Wicked, I wonder who it's from?" said George

"Well, there's no name on it but there's only one way to figure it out!" Jason started to rip the wrapping off. They were right: it was two presents. A Wii and Xbox 360.

"WICKED!" screamed Jason and Marcus.

"What is it?" asked Fred

"Oh, that's right. You guys aren't muggles. This is a Wii and Xbox. You play games video games on them like Resident Evil 4 and 5, Assassins Creed, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, Mario Kart and other really cool games."

"What are video games?" asked George

"We'll have to show you. Follow us. We can show you in the clubhouse."

"What clubhouse?" asked Fred

"That's right. We forgot to tell you." Marcus was running behind Jason when they walked up to the wall and a door appeared.

"Well, I'll be damned. You guys found the Room of Requirements." said Fred.

"Yep. And we have a sweet clubhouse."

"Oooo, I can't wait to see it."

They opened the door. In front of them was a giant clubhouse.

"Wicked." said Fred and George.

They took the elevator up. Once inside the club house, Fred and George plopped themselves into the giant chairs.

"Are you sure you guys don't need any help?" asked George.

"Nope. We got it." said Jason as they fiddled with the wires and both counsels were running simultaneously on the same screen it 15 seconds.

They played about a million games to break in their new Wii and Xbox.

"Let's see... oooo Assassin's Creed!" said Marcus

Blam! Blam! Pow pow! BOOM!

"Wicked!" said Fred and George

"You want to try?" asked Jason and handed Fred and George the controllers.

"This is how you run, walk, and this is how you shoot." explained Jason.

"AAHHH" screamed Fred and George. Needless to say, they weren't the best at video games.

After a few more games, they decided to go back to the common room.

When they were heading back, they were hit with a giant mob. They were all wearing snow gear.

"Who, what's the rush?" asked Jason.

"Didn't you hear? It's snowing!" said a random kid, panting madly.

"Isn't that that kid that keeps telling us stuff? What's his face...Neville?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Come on, let's go get our snow stuff on!" Jason, Marcus, Fred, and George rushed up to the common room. They changed into all of their snow clothes in 10 seconds. They hopped down the stairs, out of the common room and outside in the snow.

"WOOHHOOO!" yelled Jason and plastered everyone with snowballs.

Schools out, Christmas break

Home for the holiday's meatloaf and fruitcake

Off to grandmas, it's so boring

Screaming kids and grandpa's snoring

My aunt Margaret's lost her mind

She's trippin' on a train set, have another box of wine

It's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas

I must be on Santa clauses s*** list

The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss

Shoot me now I'm sick of all my relatives

Have a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas

Uncle Richard he's a weirdo

Passing out pictures of himself in a Speedo

My cousin Ashley, her singing really sucks

Blames it on her drummer and acid reflux

My brother's wife is really hot

She pulled me in the bathroom; I hope we don't get caught

It's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas

I must be on Santa clauses s*** list

The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss

Shoot me now I'm sick of all my relatives

Have a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas

We haven't even opened our presents yet but now it's time to start

So I'll fake a smile 'cause it's going back to Wal-Mart

It's gonna be a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas

I must be on Santa clauses s*** list

The tree, the gifts, the mistletoe kiss

Shoot me now I'm sick of all my relatives

Have a merry merry merry frickin' Christmas

"WWWOOOOOHHHHHHHOOOOOOO!" Yelled Jason and Marcus.


	9. Lil hell raiser

Chapter 9: Introducing, the Lil' Hell Raiser Products!

That night, Jason and Marcus were sitting in the biggest chairs in the common room. Everyone who was there at Hogwarts was sound asleep. Jason and Marcus were silently reading brand-new comic books and smoking their bubble pipes they got for Christmas. But then, the sound of whispering flowed into the room.

"No, Ron. You stay here, the cloak will only hold one." Jason and Marcus were listening to it intently and figured it was stupid Potter. They were right.

Jason and Marcus quickly made themselves invisible. They followed Harry's every move around corner and corridor. Finally, they found themselves in the library.

"Why would Harry want to go to the library, of all places?" asked Jason, who was still following Harry. Good thing he had a lamp, or they wouldn't have a clue where he was.

"Shhh, we have to be quiet." said Marcus , how put his finger up to his lips. Suddenly, they heard a loud,** clang**!

"What was that?" Jason and Marcus said in unison. It was the lock to the restricted section.

"Jeez, you'd think that kid knows how to be more sneaky."

The two boys crept closer as they heard Harry whisper,"Flamel, Flamel, where are you Nicolas Flamel?"

Marcus held his hand up to the side of his head," Hello, Mental Asylum? I think you have an escapee." The two boys snickered.

"**ARRRRRRR**!"

Jason and Marcus whipped around on their heels. They saw Harry slam close a book.

"That's some book"

"A'right who's in 'ear? Come on show yer selves. You can't hide." Jason and Marcus turned around to find that Filch was walking into the room.

"Oh no!" whispered Marcus.

"Don't worry, we have nothing to fear," said Jason. He looked over at Harry." It's him who has to worry."

They looked over at Harry who was franticly trying to get his invisibility cloak on. He got it on just in time for Filch to come in. Jason and Marcus tip-toed pass Filch and safely out the door.

"He he, that was fun."

The boys ran back to the dormitory. Once there, they decided to have a good nights sleep. Then, they slept till 11:00 the next day.

"dum du dee." Marcus was walking down the 7th floor corridor towards the room of requirements. After being well fed, Marcus all ways has a spring in his step.

Marcus stood in front of a completely blank wall. He looked to either side of him,making sure no one was coming. Moments later, a large door appeared. Marcus pushed it opened.

"Jason!" Marcus called.

"I'm up in the clubhouse!" Jason called back. He was wearing a loupe over one eye and a wielding mask on his head. In one hand he was holding a very small blowtorch and in the other hand his wand.

"Okay." said Marcus in a low whisper.

Marcus entered the clubhouse and there was a wonderful aroma. Marcus took a moment to let the smell fill his nose.

"What-" but Marcus was stopped short by Jason.

"I'm baking a cake for this kid who needs help in Muggle Studies." answered Jason.

"Actually, I was going to ask you, what in the world you are doing?"

Jason flipped up the box that was to his left. Marcus went up for a closer inspection.

"Lil' Hell Raiser Destruction kit?" Marcus was puzzled.

"Yeah. There will also be a lot more. Like, I've made the Holographic Guide Magical and Menacing Creatures, I'm planing on to make Prankster Kit #1, Prankster kit #2 Prankster kit #3, Prankster Kit #4, and Prankster Kit #5," Jason counted them on his fingers. "This will our ticket to fame! And no doubt probably not our only one."

"It's genius! So, how far have you gotten?"

"Well, I've only gotten it to destroy small objects so far."

"Wait, I was reading that Muggle electronics don't work at Hogwarts, because there is so much magic."

"I know, but I dipped these in that potion that makes pictures move, and they work perfectly."

"Interesting. What made you come up with this idea?"

"Fred and George."

"No surprise there." said Marcus in a low whisper.

"Come on! Let's go to Hagrad's and show him our book!" Jason hopped off the stool and grabbed the book and they zipped out the door.

Once outside, they ran across the grounds.

"Jason, we're not supposed to come out on the grounds this late!" said Marcus in a low whisper.

"I know. I didn't want any one to see us and steel the idea."

They finally reached Hagrid's hut on the edge of the forbidden forest. Jason knocked on the door. It was pushed open by a half-giant.

"Jason and Marcus! You know you an't supposed to come out this late!" said Hagrid.

"I know, but we have something really cool to show you." said Jason and he held up the book labeled the Holographic Guild to Magical and Menacing Creatures.

"Ooo, let's have a looksy. Come inside." said Hagrid who was already reading.

Hagrid set the book on the table and let the holographic creatures pop up. The book was in alphabetical order and in fifteen minuets they went from Athach to Raashasa. Then they heard a knock at the door.

"Hagrid looked at the window. "You two" he whispered. "Go hide." Jason and Marcus hid in the cabinets under the sink. They had not noticed the egg sitting on the table. When they peeked out from their hiding spot, Jason and Marcus saw that it was Harry, Ron and Hermione that had knocked at the door. They were asking about the egg on the table. Then the egg started to hatch and out popped a baby dragon.

"Wicked." said Jason and Marcus. They heard Hagrid say "Hello Norbert." then fifteen seconds later, Harry, Ron, and Hermione rushed out of the hut. Jason jumped out of the cabinets. "Ew spiders ew."

"You can't keep that dragon inside the grounds Hagrid." said Marcus. "You need to send it off somewhere."

"Or we could keep it in our dormitory." said Jason.

"How are going to do that?" asked Marcus

"Like this." Jason pulled and small book out of his pocket. It looked like a spell book. "This spell." Jason pointed to a spell that made the space inside a box, bag, etc, bigger. "We could make it so big that he could fly in it. And it could only be the size of a cardboard box under the beds."

"Hmm, that might work." said Marcus.

Later that night, Jason and Marcus were in their dormitory. Norbert was sitting on the top of one of the four poster bed.

"Come on Norbert! Fly! Come to daddy Jason!" Jason was trying to get Norbert to fly. It didn't seem to be working. Norbret hovered for a second and fell to the ground.

"GGRRRR."

Percy came in to tell them lights out. Jason quickly stepped in front of Norbert.

"Lights out."

A spiky tail flew up from behind Jason's head.

"Uh hu." Percy slammed the door.

Jason turned around and saw Norbert.

"YYYEEESSS! YOU'RE FLYING!"


	10. OMGS

Chapter 10: OMGS

It was 11:00 at night.

Not a sound was made, for everyone was sound asleep. You would hear the occasional pitter patter of the rain hitting the windows, or the quite 'ribbit' made by an escaped frog.(No doubt Nevile's)

But tonight was very different.

A mysterious person was walking down the corridors. Obviously, out of bed at a very late hour, and would get in deep trouble, if only that mysterious person was...

...a teacher.

That's right. Professor Quirrell was waltzing down the corridors like he owned the place. He quickened his pace and found himself at the door of the Griffindor dormitories. Unfortunately, the fat lady was sound asleep, just like everyone else in the castle. Professor Quirrell scowled and flicked the fat lady on the nose.

"Aaaa!" the fat lady woke with a start." How rude"

"Shhh, be quiet. Ummm," Professor Quirrell took out a crumpled piece of paper." Aa, Pig Snout."

The fat lady looked disappointed, but let him in anyway. Professor Quirrell silently made his way up to the boys dormitories and stood in front of the door. He took a deep breath, and pulled two handkerchiefs out of his pockets, and a bottle marked, 'chloroform'.

"A very primitive way of doing this, but it will have to do." Professor Quirrell slowly pushed the door open. There was a quiet creaking noise, but no one woke. So far, so good.

Professor Quirrell silently walked over to one bed, while slowing pouring chloroform onto one of the hankies. He was at the side of the bed, looking at who was sleeping in it.

Professor Quirrell's plan was working perfectly.

Jason was sleeping in the bed.

Quirrell took the hankie and stepped closer to the bed. Big mistake. The floor board made a loud CREEEK!

"Mmm, Marcus is that you? I had the coolest dream. I was fighting zombies and-" Jason rubbed his sleepy eyes. "Oh, hey Professor Quirrell! What are you mmmgh mble" Jason's eyes closed and fell back into the bed. But this woke Marcus as well.

"Jason is that you?" but Quirrell was there in a flash and soon Marcus was in a deeper sleep then before.

Quirrell grabbed both boys by the ankles. He thanked his lucky stars that Jason and Marcus weighed almost nothing.

When the boys woke up they were somewhere they've never been before. And trust me, they've been almost everywhere in the school.

"Where do you think we are?" asked Jason.

"Ummm," Marcus looked around him. There was no doors, except the one they entered through. They looked down the corridor and it seemed to go on forever. There were cobwebs all over the place. "I have honestly no frickin' idea."

Then Quirrell walked up to them. He had a very tern look on his face.

"UP." he grunted.

"You could try to be a little bit polite." said Jason.

"UP PLEASE." grunted Quirrell, this time, a bit louder.

"Fine, fine."

They walked for what seemed for hours. The silence burned Jason's ears, for he was not used to it. Even in school, his chair squeaked and annoyed the other kids. The tension was too much. A sweat drop rolled down the side of his face. He broke.

"**BOOM**!" Yelled Jason at the top of his lungs.

"Quirrell and Marcus whipped their heads around and stared at Jason.

"Boop e bee doop a shlup iggiy doop!"

"Quirrell got one of those 'WTF?!' looks on his face, but soon ignored jason and his act of randomness. Marcus however, asked a question.

"What are we doing?" asked Marcus.

"You are being my hostages, and more importantly QUIET." Quirrell emphasized the word quiet.

"Why are we your hostages?" asked Jason.

"Because I need your help."

"With what?"

"You ask too many questions."

"I've noticed you've haven't stuttered in a while."

"I've, um... been taking speech classes."

"But you always stutter in class. It's actually kind of annoying."

"Look, do you want me to send you back to your dormitory?"

"Yes, we'd like that very much."

Quirrell did a face palm. This was getting very annoying. He made the mistake of walking with his head down. He didn't see the door right in front of him.

BANG!

Quirrell grabbed his head and swore,"Slipin' ripin' dang fang rotten zarg barg a ding dong!" Well, it's not really a swear, but Jason and Marcus wrote it down in their book marked 'swear words'.

Quirrell rubbed his head, but quickly moved on to business.

"_Alohomora_." Quirrell pointed his wand at the lock and preformed the spell.

"Cool, what's that spell?" asked Jason and Marcus.

"That is a spell to open doors. Now, stop asking stupid questions and go through the door" he said.

Jason and Marcus walked into the door thinking nothing dangerous inside and Quirrell was just being paranoid.

Boy, were they wrong.

Jason and Marcus looked forward and saw three, angry, dog heads staring right at them.

"_STUPIFY!" _yelled Jason and Marcus. Their stupify beam-things that shot out of their wands intersected and knocked out the three-headed dog.

Quirrell walked into the room. "Well, lets do we we're supposed to" said Quirrell and he waved his wand and a harp popped up. It started playing. The three headed dog started to snore. The wind blew back their hair and his breath smelled like rotten eggs and bad fish.

"P.U."

"Stop complaining and help me move his paw."

They moved the paw and uncovered a trap door. Jason put his hand out towards the handle, but Quirrell knocked it away.

"I have no idea what's beyond this door, so be carful." warned Quirrell.

Now Jason was hesitant to open the door. Why had he warned them to be carful? He never did say why he needed them. never the less, Jason reluctantly opened the door. It was pitch black.

"You go first." said Jason.

"No, you go first." said Marcus

Quirrell gave them a shove towards the door,"I think you both should go first."

"Really? Because me and Marcus think this whole thing is bull-," Jason stopped suddenly when they saw the three headed dog move. "Outta my way! I get to go first!"

"No way, me!" Yelled Marcus.

At this point, Quirrell pushed them both in. then he got in and closed the trap door behind him.

THUD! THUD! THUD!

They all landed on a soft pile of green vines. They sat in silence for a while, then Quirrell spoke.

"Well, better get a move on."

"No, no. You go on ahead, I'll stay here. It's kinda comfy." said Jason with his feet crossed and hands folded on his chest.

"Well, You're coming with me if I have to drag you behind me," Quirrell tried to stand up, but once he got even an inch off the ground, a green vine whipped out and grabbed him by the waste, and pulled him back down." What the hell? What in the name of devil is this stuff?"

Marcus, who was siting on a brick sticking out from the wall, took out his wand," ahem, _lumos_."

A strong beam of light came out of the tip of his wand. Immediately, the vines let go of Jason and Quirrell and shriveled back into the bigger plant.

"Well, that was extremely weird." said Marcus as he put out his light.

As soon as Marcus turned out the light, the plant creeped back bound them around their ankles, legs, hands and arms. But before it could do that, Jason and marcus pointed their wands and screamed _STUPIFY_!

The plant didn't touch them after that.

After they found a hole that they climbed through, they found a door and Jason and marcus thought they were home free.

Boy, were they wrong. Again.

Now they were in a room with a hundred- no, a million keys. But they weren't still, they were...flying.

"No way."

Marcus ran over to the old door on the other side of the room.

Marcus pulled at the handle."No good."

Quirrell spotted a broom in the middle of the room."I think I know what we have to do."

"No you don't," Jason whipped his wand out."_Accio door key_!"

A singe key with a broken wing zipped to his hand.

"Bingo."

As they were walking towards the door, they heard voices coming from the other room.

"Come on, get the key in the door!"

"Got it! Get in!"

The key flew out of his hand to join the other keys. They closed the door just in time.

"Shhh. I want to hear what they say." whispered Jason.

Jason and Marcus listened intently to the voices on the other side of the door._ "It's too easy."_

"_Come on, Harry. If Snape can do it, you can. You're the youngest seeker in a century!"_

"He, he. Suckers."Jason flipped his wand and slipped it back into his pocket.

They got through the next set of doors and found themselves in a pitch-black room. They walked forwards and some lights flickered on. They found themselves standing on a giant chess board.

"Alright, chess!" Jason and Marcus high-fived each other.

"Ummm, this is wizard chess." said Quirrell.

"So? How much different can it be? Just hop on a little horsey there and we'll do the rest."

Jason and Marcus moved to the empty spaces and the game started. The white pieces moved first, and it moved the queen side pawn.

"Oh man, how stupid can it get?" said Marcus.

The boys performed the one-move-checkmate and the were home free.

The got over to the door and pushed it open.

"**RRRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRR**"

Jason and Marcus slapped the door shut.

"What the fuc-"

"That was a troll, and a pretty big one at that."

"Well, we know what to do with threats, right Jason?" asked Marcus.

"Yep. On three. One, tow, THREE!

Jason an Marcus pushed the door open.

"_STUPIFY_!" Jason and marcus aimed their hits at the same place on the troll's head. Not only did they knock the troll out, they made it's head bleed. A nasty stench filled the room.

"Blech."

In the next room, the found a table with strangely shaped bottles on it. Suddenly, a black fire appeared in front of the door ahead and a purple fire appeared in front of the door that they just came through.

"What the hell is this?" Marcus picked up a piece of paper. He read it loud.

"Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind. Blah, blah, blah, one lets you go forwards, one lets you go back. Blah,blah, blah. Two are wine, blah, three are poison, more blah. Ah, here we go! Clues!" Marcus read the clues out loud. "Poisons are on the left sides of wines, blah, blah, blah, different potions are on either end, blah, blah, don't drink those if you want to go forward, all potions different sizes, a blah blah blah, the big one and small one aren't poison, blah, second from left and right are the same but look different, blah, blah, blah."

"How the hell are we-" started Quirrell but got cut off by Jason and Marcus.

"We drink that one, you drink this one." Jason and Marcus said at the same time "Assuming you want to go forward."

Quirrell looked at the bottle. "Are you sure that this isn't wine or poison?"

"I'm pretty sure that poisoning and setting fire to a teacher would get us expelled. And that's the last thing we want."

"Okay." Quirrell took a sip and walked through the fire and into the other door.

"We'd better get back." Jason checked his watch "It's almost 3:00 in the morning." Jason and Marcus each took a sip of the other kind of potion and walked through the fire and into the pervious room and heard the door open. They dived behind a pillar and watched Harry, Ron and Hermione walk in.

"Lets see how they do with the chess game."

Almost an hour pasted until the game came close to ending.

"He only way they can win is to sacrifice Ron." Jason said. Just then, the horse that Ron was on, blew up. Harry and Hermione rushed over to him and then went to the door to the room with the bottles. Jason and Marcus rushed over to Ron who was now unconscious.

"They may never make it out of that room." said Jason. "We need to take Ron to Mrs. Pomfrey." Jason and Marcus made it out of the chain of rooms and made it to the hospital wing. All they needed now was a excuse.

"Uh, he fell down the stairs from the second story." Obviously that was enough for Mrs. Pomfrey.

"Lets go get some sleep."


	11. Home or Bust!

chapter 11: Home or Bust.

It was silent in the boy's dormitories.

Completely silent.

Well, maybe not totally.

Jason and Marcus were quietly creeping down the hallway. They had the biggest assortment of noise maker you've ever seen.

"On three, one, two...THREE!" Jason and Marcus busted open a door to a dormitory. They twirled and blew on the noise makers.

"WE'RE GOING HOME!"

"You're not happy!" yelled Marcus. He saw no reason that anyone should not be absolutely enthralled.

They continued on their way going through all the boys dormitories. They practically leaped down the stairs with happiness. They plopped down in their favorite chairs.

"Well, that was fun."

"Let's do the girls dorms."

"What? We'd totally get in trouble for that!"

"Yes, but do we really give a crap?"

Before Marcus could answer, Jason grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the stairs. But, as soon as they stepped on the step, the whole stair case turned to a slide. Jason and Marcus tripped head first onto the concrete and their cart flew over their head and exploded. The cart left a giant crater in the middle of the slide. Jason and Marcus stood up. Their hair was blown back and their clothes ripped and their faces black with ash.

"What the hell was that!" screamed one random girl.

"I told you not to put the TNT in with the noise makers!" scolded Marcus.

"Well, sue me!"

"What happened down here?!" Percy ran down the stairs and almost tripped over his pink bathrobe with his name embroidered in gold loopy letters on the arms.

"Run!" yelled Jason.

And off they were in a wild goose chase, with Jason and Marcus throwing the remainder of the TNT at Percy.

"You two are in soooo, much trouble!" yelled Percy while jumping over the sticks of TNT.

After jumping over all the couches in the common room, using 30 cans of silly string, 2 air fresheners, a red-hot fireplace poker stick, two gallons of water, and a bottle of shampoo, Percy finally caught the wet, shampooy Jason and Marcus.

"ummm, no hard feelings?" asked Jason.

"You wish." said Percy through clenched teeth.

5 minutes later, they were standing in front of Dumbledore's office, with their sopping wet pajamas dripping on the floor.

"Sooo, what do we do now?" asked Marcus.

"I don't know, but I'm really hungry. I bet they're having breakfast right now. I wish I had some lemon drops right about now." sighed Jason.

And just like that, the door opened. Well, not the door, exactly. It was a giant griffin statue, and it began to turn. Jason and Marcus hesitantly stepped onto the moving staircase. The ride took longer than they expected, and Jason found himself wringing out his pajamas and Marcus was cleaning silly string out of his pockets. Finally, they stopped suddenly at the top. A big, wooden door stood menacingly above them. Jason walked up to knock on the door. It swung open, even before Jason moved.

"Aaaa, boys. I've been expecting you. Oh, please, come in." said Dumbledore.

Jason and Marcus looked at each other with a very puzzled looks on their faces.

They walked in and stood in front of the large desk. Dumbledore sat down on the other side.

"Now, I understand that you boys set off muggle explosives in the Gryffindor common room--" Dumbledore was cut off by Jason.

"Were innocent, I tell you! We didn't do it! You can't prove anything!" Screamed Jason as he jumped onto the desk.

"--And I really don't care that you did." finished Dumbledore.

"I'll run to the ends of the frickin' earth to prove my inno-- old man say what now?"

"I said," Dumbledore repeated,"That I don't care, as long as you do something for me."

"Anything at all."

"I need you to set up my muggle computer."

"Psh, easy."

"Well, get to work. I need it up and running in 5 minutes."

"We'll have it ready in 1."

And with that, Dumbledore left the room. Jason and Marcus eagerly ripped open the box and took out the instruction manual. Marcus read it off.

"It says that you can get this hunk of junk out of the box and onto the internet in as little as 10 minutes," Marcus read the paper again."That has to be a typo."

"That is hard to believe."

"We set up that computer at camp in what, 30 seconds?" said Marcus scratching his head.

"Only because YOU tangled the wires, Mr. Slowpoke."

Low and behold, They got the computer running in 10 seconds. 5 minuted later, Dumbledore came back holding a bottle of wine, a super-sized cheese burger, and was laughing hysterically.

"Thank you, all of you. I really must be going now. Bye Billy. Bye Bob. Oh, I didn't forget you, Joe. Good night." Dumbledore waved goodbye, even though there was nobody there. He shut the door and turned around to find Jason an marcus staring at him."Oh, you two are still here. Did you get my computer running?" Dumbledore threw everything to the side, and the wine crashed to the floor.

"Yes, we did. We also got iCal, Safari, Firefox, Internet Explorer, google Crome, iTunes, iMovie, Skype, iChat, iPhoto, Photoshop Elements, Photo Booth, Pages, Word, TextEdit, Painter, Corel Painter, Google Sketchup, Comic Life, Adobe Flash, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator, Adobe Reader, GarageBand, Google Earth, SPORE with all the extension packs, HandBreak, and you're own E-mail." Jason pointed them all out on the screen.

"We also got you a printer. It can Print, obviously, scan, copy, and the tray pops out when you print, so you don't have to open it yourself." said Marcus.

Dumbledore was blown away. He had never seen anything like this in his life.

"Um, okay, you boys can go."

Jason and Marcus rushed out of the room. The stopped by the Great Hall for a bite to eat, then ran back to the Dorms to get packed.

"Blech, it's dusty under here," Jason reached under his bed to retrieve stuff he put there. jason pulled out a shoe box. "Here's Norbert," He opened the lid and a loud ROOAAARRR! came from it. Jason kept digging under the bed and found all of his 'Lil' Hell Raiser' products. He stuffed them into his trunk. "I'm all set."

"Me too."

!

"That's the train. Let's go!"

Jason and Marcus boarded the train eagerly. They got the same compartment all the way in the back of the train. They placed their packs on the seats so people knew they were sitting there, even though no one was actually on the train yet. Jason and Marcus left the compartment and walked along the corridor and in the other compartments, slapping their hands against the walls and on the celling. When they got back, they locked the door, pulled down all the shades and turned on the single LED light in the compartment. Jason took out a box marked 'Lil' Hell Raiser Spy Kit', and opened it. Inside was a screen that was showing the compartment right next to theirs. Marcus pushed a button, and the screen changed. Now it was showing the section of the corridor right out side their compartment. Jason pushed a different button, and the sound of the train rang through the speakers. Jason and marcus had placed invisible cameras and mics around the train.

"This way, we can spy on everyone on the train."

"Look," Marcus pointed at the screen. "Mr. James Bond just got on." On the screen, there was Malfoy waltzing onto the train followed by his cronies, Crabbe and Goyle.

Jason and Marcus watched Malfoy and his gang walk down the corridor and slide into the compartment right next to them. Jason quickly pressed some buttons and eventually he got just the sound and picture of that compartment.

"This is soooooo boring. Can't they talk about something more interesting?" complained Marcus.

"You mean something that's not about us? Sure, I can make that happen." said Jason.

"Really? You can?"

"Watch and learn, young grasshopper."

In 10 minutes, they had a whole elaborate prank all set up. Jason held up a Galleon with a string attached.

"And finally, the piece de resistance." Jason scribbled his name in black sharpie on the back of the Galleon. He tossed it outside Malfoy's compartment and ran to the other end of the hall.

"And then, the dorkus duo pulled down their pants and... GALLEON, CALLED IT!!!!" Malfoy jumped out the door and reached for the Galleon, but it slipped away before he could grab it.

Malfoy tried again. This time, the Galleon zipped super fast down the corridor. Malfoy ran after it. All of a sudden, he slipped on a banana peel covered in grease. He slid down the corridor and up a ramp and soared through the air. First, squirt guns filled with glue squirted him. Second, sand paper flew at him and stuck to him. Lastly, a single fuse was scratched by the sand paper and, at the same speed as Malfoy, the fuse ran down the hall and led to a barrel full of TNT. And...

"**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"

The TNT exploded and charred half the corridor. Malfoy sat up with his face black, hair puffed, and clothes in little more than shreds.

"Well, what d' ya know, he fell for it. I owe you 5 Galleons." said Marcus.

Jason and Marcus hopped happily off the train with their stuff loaded on the carts.

"I think Norbert needs a bigger cage." said Jason. Norbert had his nose up to the hole in the side of the shoe box.

"Let's go home and work on our tree fort." said Marcus, who was in a completely different world.

"Yeah."

**A/N: Well, that's the end of the first year, and I look at it and I found a lot of things that I missed. We left out Quidditch! (I think I spelt that wrong.) I honestly don't know how we did that. Other than that, it was all about introducing things. So, if you have any suggestions, please review.**


	12. Skeet shooting with Norbert

Chapter 12: Adventures in Knockturn Alley

"Ready... PULL!"

TWANG

CHOMP

"Norbert, how many times do I have to tell you, you're not supposed to eat the skeet." said Marcus, exasperated.

"We could always try a grenade launcher." suggested Jason.

Just then, a owl swooped down and dropped two letters in the air. Unfortunately, Norbert got a hold of them before they could get in reach of the boys. Norbert thought they were frisbees, and tore them up.

"AAAAAAA! NORBERT, WE NEEDED THOSE!" yelled Jason and Marcus in unison.

They gathered as much of the letters as possible and ran to the house.

"Okay, I think I've got it," Jason read off his taped-up letter." Der M. Foox, uoy av een weomd bck to Ogwrts, scol of Whcrat an Wizdy..."

"I think mine is better," Marcus read off his letter." Dear Mr. Jones, You are welcomed back to Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." Marcus finished by reading the equipment they needed.

"Alright, back to Diagon Alley!"

On the way out, Jason gave Norbert the evil eye.

Strolling down the cobblestone path, Jason and Marcus heard a familiar voice. They recognized it at once.

" 'James Bond' " They whispered. That was what Jason and Marcus called Draco Malfoy.

They quickly turned, robes swishing around them, and sprinted down the alley. The alley was marked with a rundown, evil looking sign that said 'Knockturn Alley'.

In a flash, Jason and Marcus were halfway down the path when they were stopped suddenly by a crazy, demented looking witch.

"You look lost. Can I help you?" Normally, they would say yes, but something struck them that this person DID NOT want to help them.

"No, actually," said Jason. "We're just on our way to... um..." Jason looked at a worn-out street sign that was supposed to say 'Borgin and Burkes', but it looked more like, 'Boxes and Pukes'.

"Boxes and Pukes! Yeah, that's where we're going!"

"No such place."

"Well, too bad. We're going there anyway." The boys broke free of the witch's grip and ran around the corner.

"Whew, that was a close one," said Marcus panting. "Look!"

They were standing in front of the shop, Borgin and Burkes. And guess who was inside. Malfoy.

Jason and Marcus ducked under the window and listened intently to the conversation.

"But daaaaaaad, I'm 12 years old, I should be able to roam around free." begged Malfoy.

"Not the way you've been acting young man." said a older looking Malfoy, they guessed it was his dad.

"PLEASSSSSSSSSE?" Malfoy was practically on his knees.

"Mmmmm, fine."

Malfoy flew out of the shop, and wasn't very observant, because he ran right by Jason an Marcus without noticing them.

Jason and Marcus ran after Malfoy, who took all these twists and turns every which-way. It was like he knew they were following him and he was purposely trying to get rid if him.

Finally, he stopped.

Jason and Marcus were panting behind a corner while Malfoy was talking to Pansy. They boys then realized their worst fear.

Malfoy was a valley girl.

"And I was all like, 'Oh no you didn't' and she was all, like, 'oh yes I did'"

This conversation went on for about 3 more hours.

"This is getting boring. Lets go do some shopping.

They were calmly walking down the cobble stone road, when they saw a bunch of people, mostly little kids, crowded around a big window. Inside the window was a broom. It wasn't a ordinary broom, it was all shiny, and it was jet black. On the handle, in gold, loopy letters, were the words, 'Nimbus 2001'.

"It's a broom, big deal. Why is everyone so hyped up about it?" asked Jason.

"It's the newest model in racing brooms." answered Marcus, reading out of a tiny book in his hands.

"You still have that book? We're like experts on magic now."

"Nine months of school hardly qualifies us," said Marcus, his nose in the book." And it looks like we missed out on this giant wizard sport called Quidditch. It's like their only sport"

"How sad. Let's go get some money."

Inside Gringotts, a friend awaited them.

"Jason, Marcus! It's nice to see you two again!"

"Hey, we never got your name last year."

"It's Carter."

"Huh. I was expecting some tong-twisting name, like in Lord of the Rings." said Marcus.

"I know. I get that a lot. Well, do you lads have your key?" asked Carter.

"Right here," said Jason. With the key, he pulled out three pairs of ear plugs. "For the door."

"I see. Right this way."

After the door opened, the boys noticed their was much more money in there then there was before. Carter explained that he invested it.

"Do wizards have a stock market too?" asked Jason.

"Of course."

"He hee hee, Heh, ha ha, MUHA HA HA! THE WORLD IS OURS!" yelled Jason and Marcus in unison.

Jason and Marcus filled their pockets and a reusable grocery bag with money. They headed out to Flourish and Blotts to buy their books, when they came upon a interesting scene.

As Jason and Marcus entered they shop, Malfoy came down the stairs and stopped Ron, his brothers, Ginny, Hermione, and, of course, Harry.

Jason and Marcus ducked under piles of books and scrambles up the stairs for a safe spot to hide. They were going to do some more stalking. The boys listened intently and heard something along the lines of, " Harry, blah blah blah, girlfriend."

"Hee, He, Ginny and Harry are beet red." laughed Jason.

"Now Jason, don't tease. Have you forgotten all about muggle school already?"

"Of course I haven't, why'd you say..." Jason caught himself on a certain memory. "Eileen." Jason said darkly.

They crept back down to buy their books, when they saw a rather pompous looking guy at a table, surrounded by paparazzi, women, and a lot of autobiographies with the same guy on the cover, grinning like an idiot. He was signing books, that apparently, he wrote.

"I wonder who he is," said Marcus out loud. "Surely, no one important, judging by that hair do. It's really dorky."

"Well, lets read one of the books." said Jason.

"Ummm, earth to Jason, this is a book store. You need to buy the book first."

"Not necessarily." Jason had an evil grin.

Jason walked towards the stand, and slowed by a pile of the autobiographies. Everyone was so busy, that they didn't notice him pick up on of the books and replace it with a "How to grow zucchinis in 12 seconds" cook book.

"Now I'm guessing," said Jason, as he walked out the door. "Just what I thought. These guys might be magical, but they never thought as much as to put barcode detectors by the door. Or, for that matter, barcodes on the product."

"Wow, I just noticed that we need 7 books each on this "Gilderoy Lockhart" guy."

"You think I didn't notice that?" Jason took out 2 piles of books from under his robes.

"Isn't this stealing?"

"No, it's just borrowing."

"But, we're not giving it back."

"...Touche. Then we are stealing."

**A/N: Sorry, if some of you didn't think this chapter was funny enough; I was running out of material. It wasn't actually necessary to have them go into Flourish and Blotts, but it was important for them to, so they had a better reaction when he ends up teaching at Hogwarts.**

**I very much welcome suggestions, so if you have any, please review.**

**Until next time, see ya!**


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